Welcome to 2022…

Welcome to 2022, the year of the unknown. We’re here, aren’t we? We don’t know what the heck is going to happen though, the unknown.

I would love to be the positive, upbeat person you’re probably looking for in this moment, but that’s really hard for me right now. We all suffer in different ways and our life likes to throw us for loops, continuously. This past year was filled with personal and mental growth, but it was also filled with tremendous heartache and pain.

I was finally preparing myself to get in front of January and attempt turning it into a more positive month, despite the fact that the third Monday is proven to be the bluest Monday in the year, the most depressing day.

Here we are, lives changed again. More firsts on the horizon. You see, we lost my dad this year, to a very random and completely unexpected accident. He was one of the other people by my side while I was sick, cheering me on and caring for our babies at home. Like I said, loops – a lot of loops.

January 1st, the start of a new year, but what does that truly mean?

For me, the start to a new year means I’m less than two weeks away from a number of anniversaries.

January 12th, the day I was diagnosed with Burkitt’s Lymphoma, while on a ventilator, unconscious and barely alive.

The first time my husband had to make life saving decisions for his unconscious, extremely sick and unresponsive wife. The day he chose to send me to surgery in an attempt to save my life. I will forever be grateful for the moments he suffered through and the decisions he made on my behalf.

The first time I experienced septic shock, had a spinal tap, and the first time I had dialysis. The first time I had other people’s blood purposely dripped and mixed with my own to clear the dying cancer cells that were trying to kill me.

In and amongst all of these firsts, January 18th is my birthday. I celebrated the transition from 27 to 28 in the ICU, that was a different experience and it’s certainly not one I ever want to repeat.

Entering 2022 has proven to be a very loopy and rocky path of emotions.

It’s Year 4. Year friggen 4.

I felt the need to commemorate year 4 in a way I’ve been wanting to since I was sitting in my ICU bed.

Life is a beautiful struggle now rests in permanent ink across my left chest/shoulder as a reminder that no matter what life brings my way, there is beauty in the struggle.

You may not see it now, but there is so much beauty in this world, there is so much beauty in you.

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