What does motherhood mean to you?
Growing up, I had always known I wanted to have a family. I wanted my own children, and a husband to love on. Then I went to college – several times for multiple degrees or diplomas. I broke up with my high school sweetheart of nearly 6 years because we had different desires in life, and a different timeline.
Shortly after, I met Wade. Wade changed my life, literally. We fell hard and fast for each other, both getting over heartbreaks while doing so. I remember the compassion, kind heart, and love he showed me in such a short time. I remember everything so vividly, the night he waited around my work for me to close up, 45 minutes in total…standing there reading a magazine rack. When we went outside for me to lock up, he proceeded to hand me his business card (he was a horse trail guide) with his phone number written on it – I still have this card. That night changed everything between us, as before this we had just seen each other briefly at my work when he was coming in to get gas, and take me for a guided horse back trail ride. At this point, we started texting, like kids who had just gotten their phones and couldn’t put them down. We got to know each other, hung out a few times, and within two weeks time, those three sweet words came out. “I love you”. That night also changed everything because I knew, we hadn’t just fallen for each other in such a short time, we were in love with each other, and the feelings I had, gave me butterflies and the biggest knots in my stomach, I knew – he was the one.
We lived in BC for for just over a year, together – after this we ventured to Central Alberta and have been in the area since. We love it in this area, we’ve set down our roots – both in life and work, we have the best friends any couple could ask for. Trust me, they went through my whole cancer journey by our sides.
Here we are today, the parents of two beautiful little stubborn, and sassy red headed girls. Hailey Lorraine and Hadley Laura. They are our life, but our journey to them was a difficult one. Emotionally, mentally, and physically trying.
It took three and a half years to conceive Hailey – after seeing an OBGYN who was useless, to seeing a fertility specialist at a clinic in Calgary (who was AMAZING), we underwent testing and were finally able to conceive with minimal intervention. Hadley was planned but unplanned at the same time, that being said, she was only unplanned because we weren’t expecting to have the girls so close together. I found out I was pregnant with Hadley when Hailey was just seven months old. What a surprise that was, the most wonderful surprise there could be.
Motherhood has come relatively easy to me in most other aspects, Hailey and I had a great routine before Hadley came along, and now that I’ve been home for 3 months, the girls and I are getting into a routine that works for all three of us. It’s taking time, but we are getting there. I will say that my connection with Hadley hasn’t been nearly as strong as what I have with Hailey, and I know it will come with time, but some days it’s hard on me emotionally to not have that same connection. I blame cancer, cancer is why we are disconnected. We are working through it though, trudging along and getting to a point where she’s calming better for me than most other people, and we are starting our bond. A lot later than it should be started and formed, but it is what it is, I cannot change the fact that cancer started to invade my life just 3 weeks after I gave birth to Hadley, I’m just happy that cancer didn’t take me from my little family.
Motherhood has been amazing for me. I truly enjoy the girls, and all that they’re teaching me, that they’re showing me, and the light that they bring into my world. Motherhood to me is being able to be with my girls, to support them, love them unconditionally, and celebrate the ups and downs of life with them. They’re my favourite little humans.
Surviving; Life, Cancer & Beyond 