Life

Shifts.

Imagine, the grass between your toes as you’re standing in a small orchard of fruit trees. Eyes closed, soaking in the warmth of the sun, but feeling the gentle drops of rain on your skin, drops rolling off your eyelashes.

The warmth seeping into your skin, the life reviving your heart and mind. The dampness of the rain on your skin, the smell of fresh rain amongst the fruit trees. It’s very similar to that of fresh rain in the forest. Close your eyes for a moment, be present and just soak it all in, figuratively and physically, every drop of rain and every ray of sunshine flooding your body, heart, and mind.

I have never felt something so powerful, as tears started flooding my eyes, streaming down my cheeks, blending with the rain.

It was September 2019 and I was struggling mentally, emotionally, and physically. The temporary ileostomy I had was prolapsing and causing crippling pain, most days I couldn’t even function. I was waiting on a surgical consult to complete the reversal and have my body put back together.

Pain can destroy you. Whether it’s physical, mental, or emotional – pain is debilitating and crippling in so many ways

In this moment, I was grounded, completely grounded. I was at peace, a peace I hadn’t felt in a long time. This is when I experienced a major shift in how I viewed my life, a life I shouldn’t have if it were based on statistics. A new gratitude, a new perspective, a new push.

I knew in this moment that I was prepared for whatever was going to come my way, and I am. My world has been rocked many times since I had this breakthrough and major shift. I wouldn’t be handling my emotions, my mental or physical health the way I am, if it weren’t for this moment.

We have one life, that’s all we get. I make shifts and breakthroughs frequently, shifting towards a healthier, more vibrant, and self-sustaining lifestyle. A shift into a new business venture. A breakthrough in my emotional and mental health, letting go of the fear of failure. Not letting anything stop me, no matter who or what it is, I am grateful to be alive.

I’ve been soaking in the feelings of this moment every day since I experienced it. I truly cannot describe to you, how freeing it truly was. I left behind a piece of me in that moment, a piece that was truly hurt for so many reasons, not just through cancer, but through other life experiences.

That is when I started morphing and changing into this version of who I am today. I’ve fought through  depression and anxiety, I’m on the upside of it now. I’ve fought through physical and emotional pain since 2019, but again, I’m on the upside of it now. I will be forever grateful for what my past self and the life she lead has taught me because it has better prepared me for the future and what it holds. She will never fully understand the lost and forgotten feeling, but it was a necessary step in healing all of the open wounds and moving forward.

With every breath, express your gratitude, your love, your acceptance of what is to come. Raise your warrior sword, keep it at the ready to defend who you are.

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