What we missed…

I want you to know that this journey hasn’t been easy on me, not mentally, not emotionally and not physically. I know it hasn’t been easy on Wade, or our girls either.

Burkitts Lymphoma took a lot from me. It took my ovaries, part of my small intestine, it took my hair, 90lbs of my weight (I can’t say I’m super sad about this one), and some days it took away my will to keep fighting. I never lost hope in the fact that I was going to beat this gnarly beast, I knew I would and I knew I had to. I couldn’t go through all of the surgeries, the trying times, the ups and downs and not succeed and beat cancer. That’s not who I was, and it’s not who I am. I had too much to fight for to give in and let cancer win.

Wade was by my side the entire time. He stayed in Calgary with me while I received treatments, he was there throughout both of my Code 66’s, through all of my tests, procedures, vomiting, chemotherapy, ups and downs. He was my rock, my supporter, my encourager, my uplifting spirit, the person who could make me laugh, my shoulder to cry on, and most of all he was MY WARRIOR.

We missed a lot with me being an hour and a half away for chemotherapy treatment. My first stint in the hospital was 8 weeks, then I got to come home for a week, then 7 weeks back in the hospital, a week home, then another long stay of 8 weeks. Our friends, our family, and our girls visited, it broke it up a little and made being in the hospital for so long, while I was feeling so good, a little more tolerable, but we still missed a lot. We missed Hadley’s first giggles, smiles, and the first time she rolled over, along with the other firsts babies go through in the first 6 months of their lives. We missed words, the laughter, the obsession Hailey has with books, the adventures, the start of potty training, we missed so much with Hailey too. My heart may have physically been at the hospital in Calgary, but my heart was definitely at home, aching. Wade’s heart was aching, we were both longing to hold our girls, to snuggle them, to smell that baby smell – yes, you ALL know what I’m talking about. We waited, very impatiently, for the day that I was released from the hospital and was able to return home. That day was emotional in it’s own. We had so many amazing nurses and care staff throughout the 6 months of being in the hospital, we made friends, and they all cared about us!

Our girls are 14.5 months apart. They’re so close, the bond they share is truly something else. I love watching Hailey try and burp her sister, pat her bum, give her kisses and hugs. I love to watch Hadley watch every move Hailey makes, she is obsessed, Hailey can stand in front of Hadley, not even looking at her and Hadley will burst into laughter and giggles. It’s amazing watching their bond grow each and every day. Is it busy? Sure it is, but it is the best kind of busy there is out there, and I wouldn’t change it for the world!